Sad day. A great american novelist has died
I’ve read most of his books and enjoyed seeing him speak at the University of Tennessee in 2001. The world will be a little bit smaller with him gone. So strange, I was just telling someone yesterday to go out and get some of his books….
Poo-twee-tweet …
So, for the second time in less than a year, someone has stolen our (well, mine - if you want to be exact) bank account information and made a bunch of charges. Now our bank says we’re too much of a risk and won’t issue us any more cards.
I guess they won’t be sad to lose our business…
I have discovered an awesome new weapon against telemarketers - Lily. The past 3 calls I have handed over to Lily as soon as they start their spiel, occasionally taking back the phone and chiming in to keep it going as long as possible. I try to coach lily along. This last call, I was amazed. Whatever-her-name-was from some company interested in reducing our mortgage held on for nearly 3-4 minutes. From what I could hear, the conversation went something like this:
Woman: Hi, this is so-and-so from such-and-such lending….
Lily: Hi Mommy!!!
Woman: Hello?
Lily: I eat mac-anonis, hot dog, milk!
Woman: ???
Lily: I go poop (on the) potty!
Woman: Oh really? Sir, are you still there?
Me: Yes, I’m sorry.. my daughter took the phone.. please continue.
Woman: I’m interested in lowering your interest ra……
Lily: WHAT???
Woman: Hello, sir?
Lily: Mommy??
Me: I’m sorry again…
Woman: She sounds cute. We show that your current…
Lily: I play (with) my toys in (the) backyard. It not dark yet!
Woman: ???
Lily: Come play (with) me! Come on!
Woman: Sir, are you still there?
Lily: My daddy right here! Talka me!
Woman: Can I talk to your daddy?
Lily: My daddy, um, my daddy poop (on the) potty too!!
Me: Lily! don’t tell the woman I’m in the bathroom
Lily: What???
Woman: Sir, is this a bad time
Me: No, not at all - I can wipe and talk
Woman: I’m sorry, is this a joke?
Lily: [singing] twinkle twinkle little star how I wonder way up high
Woman: ???
Lily: I want some can-nee (candy)
I believe it was at this point that the line went dead.
I wonder if other people have tried to feed their cat cereal when they’re too lazy to run to the store, thinking, “well, it looks like cat food”… I poured some in her bowl and she came running, stuck her head in, and then looked at me and said “meeeaaaooow,” as if to say, “what the hell is this??”
I think it was the marshmallows that gave it away
There’s something about Sundays that really get me down. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I know Monday is right around the corner and i felt I haven’t had any time off, or if it’s just some mental block that keeps me from enjoying the day. Whatever the case may be, I can’t shake these Sunday Blues.
Yesterday, I dropped Lily off at “dram-ma’s” house to have a sleep-over. I went to UMSL Trivia night, where a bunch of us ITS folk played for charity. Um, yeah, we came in last place. I ask you, would you recognize the flag of Somalia if you say if for about 10 seconds? Yeah, me neither.
Now the time change - I was getting used to waking up and it being light at 6am. That part is going to suck. i guess the added hours of daylight at night will be nice. I still don’t really believe that it saves us energy.
I wonder when our new living room furniture is going to get here. I wonder how we’re going to get the current couch downstairs. Even slipping the delivery people cash may not squeeze it through the tight doorway.
I wish Lily would go down for a nap. It’s like trying to roll a ten ton boulder up a mountain… I have Budgets and a 5 year hardware replacement plan to iron out. I was hoping to get to work on that this afternoon. On a positive note, my weekly meeting for tomorrow has been canceled.
I miss Amanda and Lily… although, I have had a relaxing day since they left yesterday afternoon; I watched movies, took a small nap, read some Bukowski, surfed the net, ate cheese curls and Strawberry Fig Newtons, etc, etc, etc.
I also started thinking as I tend to do during these times. You know, the average person male lives to be somewhere around 75 years old. That sounds like a pretty long time, but then I started thinking how that computed to only 75 summers, and that I’m closing in on halfway there. I’ve used up nearly half of my Falls - half of my Springs, my summers, my winters. Then I started thinking that I need to take more vacations. So I started surfing expedia.com and other vacation sites. Then I realized that we need to save more money. Then I started thinking about paying for private school for Lily, and for college, and retirement. Why does my brain have to work this way? *stabs brain…
Anyway, some places I’d like to go and see before I die:
Of course, I can’t really complain too much: I’ve skied the Alps, hiked the Andes, traveled much of Europe… Now I just need to do it with my family….
May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Christopher John Boyce please stand up? I repeat, will the real Christopher John Boyce please stand up? We’re gonna have a problem here..
Dear Holly and Stan,
I appreciate the kind words and support expressed in your comment concerning my release from prison and my subsequent renewed belief in life in America following my conviction as a traitor to this country. I must admit, I’ve never seen “The Falcon and the Snowman,” as I can’t imagine Timothy Hutton playing me - or Sean Pean as my Childhood friend who turned on me. I mean, did you see Hutton in that made for TV Movie, “Dead by Midnight” or that gag-inducing chick-flick “Just One Night?” Wasn’t Sean Pean married to the material girl, Madonna? Borderline, Borderline… you just keep pushin’ my love over the boderline .. Sorry, got sidetracked there for a minute thinking of Jelly Bracelets and large-hooped earrings.
Anyway, I sure am glad to hear that others are out there that believe in my martyrdom as I do. It was rough being in prison, especially as a spy and even more so after 9/11. If you watched my movie, you know that I escaped and was on the lam for, like, 18 months or something. Can you believe that they let a traitor escape? What they don’t know is that during that time, I was actually in Russia selling Free-Market secrets to black market street vendors, thereby escalating the collapse of communism. Ronald Reagan had nothing to do with it. I started it all teaching those commies how to sell pirated beta-max videos of StarWars. Where is my credit? Damn traitors…
Ah, yes.. June krowlikowski.. Crazy ol’ bat of an artist. how is she doing these days? You mean she had a fling with what’shisname that escaped with me? I can’t believe that! I’ll have to catch up with her. And your dad beat James Dean in a car race? THE James Dean?? The Rebel without a cause? I always admired him and wished I was as famous and cool as he was. I mean, you don’t find kids putting up posters of me in their dorm rooms or wearing T-shirts of me. (I guess being a convicted Spy will do that to your coolness.. although I’ve seen posters of Charles Manson.. All I did was sell trade secrets..) Maybe I should look into this as a source of income. I’m kinda broke these days. I blew all my earnings from my 60 Minutes interviews on McDonalds Happy Meal toys. Not the Happy meals themselves; just the toys. Oh yeah, I also bought some documents from some Iranian guy that ended up being nothing more than the schematics for a high-tech toaster. I guess I’m just not the Spy I used to be 30 years ago…
So, you wanted more of my personal thoughts on the government. Hmmm… Well, Hillary Clinton just threw in her hat for President of the US. I say, You go girl! I wonder if she has a running mate in mind. Do you think I could be Vice President? That would be awesome. But I am a little concerned with a woman running this country… I mean, I know you’re a chick, Holly, but don’t you think she might be starting a war like every 28 days? I bet PMS sucks. I’m so glad I’m a dude - even though I didn’t always feel like one in prison - especially with that one cell mate named Bubba.. *shudders*
Ok, now I’m sick having rehashed my 2 years as Bubba’s toy. I’m going to go throw up. Please let all the freedom fighters out there that you mentioned know that I am with them in my thoughts all the way. Freeeeeeeeeeedom! (think Mel Gibson in that movie where he yelled “Freeeeeeeeedom!” before they killed him) I liked that movie - did you?