BLEPHAROSPASMODIC

May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Christopher John Boyce please stand up? I repeat, will the real Christopher John Boyce please stand up? We’re gonna have a problem here..

Dear Holly and Stan,

I appreciate the kind words and support expressed in your comment concerning my release from prison and my subsequent renewed belief in life in America following my conviction as a traitor to this country. I must admit, I’ve never seen “The Falcon and the Snowman,” as I can’t imagine Timothy Hutton playing me - or Sean Pean as my Childhood friend who turned on me. I mean, did you see Hutton in that made for TV Movie, “Dead by Midnight” or that gag-inducing chick-flick “Just One Night?” Wasn’t Sean Pean married to the material girl, Madonna? Borderline, Borderline… you just keep pushin’ my love over the boderline .. Sorry, got sidetracked there for a minute thinking of Jelly Bracelets and large-hooped earrings.

Anyway, I sure am glad to hear that others are out there that believe in my martyrdom as I do. It was rough being in prison, especially as a spy and even more so after 9/11. If you watched my movie, you know that I escaped and was on the lam for, like, 18 months or something. Can you believe that they let a traitor escape? What they don’t know is that during that time, I was actually in Russia selling Free-Market secrets to black market street vendors, thereby escalating the collapse of communism. Ronald Reagan had nothing to do with it. I started it all teaching those commies how to sell pirated beta-max videos of StarWars. Where is my credit? Damn traitors…

Ah, yes.. June krowlikowski.. Crazy ol’ bat of an artist. how is she doing these days? You mean she had a fling with what’shisname that escaped with me? I can’t believe that! I’ll have to catch up with her. And your dad beat James Dean in a car race? THE James Dean?? The Rebel without a cause? I always admired him and wished I was as famous and cool as he was. I mean, you don’t find kids putting up posters of me in their dorm rooms or wearing T-shirts of me. (I guess being a convicted Spy will do that to your coolness.. although I’ve seen posters of Charles Manson.. All I did was sell trade secrets..) Maybe I should look into this as a source of income. I’m kinda broke these days. I blew all my earnings from my 60 Minutes interviews on McDonalds Happy Meal toys. Not the Happy meals themselves; just the toys. Oh yeah, I also bought some documents from some Iranian guy that ended up being nothing more than the schematics for a high-tech toaster. I guess I’m just not the Spy I used to be 30 years ago…

So, you wanted more of my personal thoughts on the government. Hmmm… Well, Hillary Clinton just threw in her hat for President of the US. I say, You go girl! I wonder if she has a running mate in mind. Do you think I could be Vice President? That would be awesome. But I am a little concerned with a woman running this country… I mean, I know you’re a chick, Holly, but don’t you think she might be starting a war like every 28 days? I bet PMS sucks. I’m so glad I’m a dude - even though I didn’t always feel like one in prison - especially with that one cell mate named Bubba.. *shudders*

Ok, now I’m sick having rehashed my 2 years as Bubba’s toy. I’m going to go throw up. Please let all the freedom fighters out there that you mentioned know that I am with them in my thoughts all the way. Freeeeeeeeeeedom! (think Mel Gibson in that movie where he yelled “Freeeeeeeeedom!” before they killed him) I liked that movie - did you?

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 20th, 2007 at 6:14 pm and is filed under personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.