BLEPHAROSPASMODIC

Tomorrow I become a better person.

I don’t really know that that means, but I’m going to take it one thing at a time. I’m going to start with work. I’m going to get done what needs to get done and then some more. I’m going to continue after I get home. I need to stop making the excuses and start working through them.

I am bogged down terribly at work; working on projects that, at times, overwhelm me. I can’t divulge much here, but I am held back by certain things. I will work to overcome those obstacles. Home is hard; coming home and dealing wth a terribly sweet 2 year old that wants nothing more than your full blown attention. It’s stressful, but it shouldn’t be. I will never have these moments again. Again, I need to work through these.

Drew amazes me. The wars he has dealt with and the optimism he still carries around astounds me. It gives me hope. “When you die it is better to have given back more than you have taken” (Drew’s Grandfather). I don’t know the specifics of it all, but it is a beautiful thought. I do fear leaving this workd without leaving my mark. I’m not searching to be famous or have a building named afte me when I die, but if I can go out with having given more than taken, I think I’ll be happy. Right now, I’m a taker. I give here and there, but mostly, I’m a fairly selfish person. I don’t like that. This needs to change, in every aspect of my life.

I want to give Lily every opportunity she has to make it in this world. I want to impart the real wisdom I have learned from all of my mistakes and I want her to be able to take life by the horns and run with it. I don’t think she needs special schools for that. I don’t think she needs expensive this or that. I think she needs a family that will be there for her.

I am 31 years old. I’m not 25 years old anymore. I need to take things more seriously. I need to go to bed at night, content that I have done everything that I could. Right now, I’m just going through the motions.

Tomorrow is a new day… even if it’s pouring down rain and 35 degrees.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 27th, 2006 at 9:55 pm and is filed under personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.